Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Ogólnie mam wszystko w dupie

Ludzie, którzy mnie znają dobrze, dobrze wiedzą że ja osobiście mam prawie wszystko w dupie. To po prostu mój styl bycia. Noworoczne postanowienie też w tym roku mam w dupie. Moja “bardzo koleżanka” na firmowej wigilii wiedząc że mam wszystko w dupie powiedziała że można moje postanowienie noworoczne powinno być powiązane z faktem że mam wszystko w dupie. Zgodziłam się z nią ale teraz nie wiem czy w nowym roku jako New Year’s resolution mam mieć więcej rzeczy w dupie czy mniej?

Sunday, December 29, 2013

Autobus 133

Mam całe dwa tygodnie wolne od pracy –ok już minęło tydzień. Yipeee. Dwa tygodnie bez chodzenia z dziećmi do szkoły. Dwa tygodnie na wsi z dziećmi. Dwa tygodnie bez potrzeby korzystania z autobusu miejskiego.
Tydzień temu siedziałam na ławce i czekałam na autobus. Przyjechał autobus D. Wysiadł Pan. Pan był lekko zdenerwowany i mocno wybrudzony. Przyszedł do mnie jako jedynej osoby, która czekała na autobus…
Czy już był 133 (czyli sto trzydzieści trzy) bo nie chciałem jechać D tylko 133.
Jeszcze nie.
W tej chwili (przy wymowie sto trzydzieści trzy) zauważyłam że Panu z autobus D brakowało około 8 zębów z przodu. Nie oceniam go. Tylko powiem, że było mi bardzo trudno go zrozumieć bez tych krytycznych zębów potrzebnych do wymówienia 133. Ja mam wszystkie zęby i jest mi trudno wymawiać sto trzydzieści trzy po polsku.
Ile tutaj Pani czeka?
10 minut.
I nie było?
Nie było?
Na który autobus Pani czeka?
Na 107 (czyli sto siedem).
107? Skąd Pani jest? Trudno jest Panią zrozumieć. Pani dziwnie mówi.
No ja pier… papier! I wtedy przyjechał 133 i Pan jechał dalej bez odpowiedzi na jego pytanie.

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

The Good Enough Christmas

This year is the Christmas of “good enough”. We’ve been so busy (as anybody who gets paid by the hour can especially understand) that we haven’t been able to prepare for Christmas up to the usual standards.
The last two years we spent an astronomical amount on our Christmas tree. Yes, the trees were beautiful but c’mon, it’s just a tree. This year we managed to secure a tree straight from the forest-legally obtained, I assure you. It’s about 2 meters tall and a bit crooked. It is definitely good enough, and it came at a fraction of the cost of last year’s tree. It’s amazing what you can arrange while drinking beer outside the local shop.*
We bought fewer presents than usual this year. Our girls left their letters for Santa on Saint Nicholas Day and we bought a few things from the list. We’ve learned from past Christmases that sometimes things very important on St. Nicholas Day are long forgotten by Christmas. As far as presents go, the girls received enough. (We decided not to buy the top present on the list. Can you guess what it is? This is how it was written: Tłajlajt Dasz. Any ideas?)
Our house is pretty much clean. Well, it is much less dirty than if was a few days ago. I don’t really have the time or energy to clean it top-notch so clean enough will have to do. Nobody likes us so nobody is going to visit us anyway więc good enough for us is good enough at all.
As far as our Christmas menu is concerned, we went easy on the labor, heavy on the out-sourcing. OK, I did go all out and make Christmas cookies myself. The rest I ordered from a hotel restaurant. Christmas supper was delicious. Merry Christmas to me.
What does all of this good enough stuff mean? Well, it means that on Monday when Misiu went to work and the whole village was cooking and hoovering, we girls went to the village library to chill out. We had some books to take back plus some more books and puzzles donated by a friend, sorted out in her pre-Christmas cleaning frenzy. Lizzie and Rosie chose some books for the Christmas break and Lizzie even found a book from her second grade reading list that she needs for school. Then the girls set into making Christmas ornaments from plaster. They glittered up the whole library. I chose some books for Misiu including “Gulag” as a revenge for his last year’s Christmas present of two books about WW2. The librarian even made us tea. She was very moved when we gave her a chocolate-covered ginger bread and wished her a merry Christmas.
Good enough also means that on Christmas Eve we spent the whole day together and enjoyed each other’s company. OK, we exiled the kids outside for awhile but it wasn’t because we wanted them out from under our feet, but because the weather was so nice it was a pity to stay inside. The girls invited the neighbor kids and they had a pre-Christmas uczta in the barn.
Today we spent the morning assembling Legos. I mean somebody did. It wasn’t me. I chose the dollhouse pre-assembled and talking Barbie with batteries included**. Later the neighbor invited us because their new gaming system was in English and they couldn’t figure out how to switch it to Polish. We were served 5 different kinds of cake, all home-made, all delicious. Next we were served a collection of dishes- salads, fried fish, cold fish, bigos, pierogi. Once again, everything was homemade and everything was delicious and our hostess didn’t sit down for a minute. She said it’s not in her nature. She likes to be in the kitchen, on the move, serving people. To each his own.
Locating the Christmas tree in the kids’ room is a stroke of genius we happened upon a few years ago. All the Christmas chaos is contained in one area. It does have its drawbacks though, for Santa I mean. Get the presents under the tree undetected with two little ladies sleeping just a step or two away? Challenge accepted!
I also had a minute to enjoy the sunrise which took place after we opened all the presents this morning. My little Amerykanki woke up pretty early.
I hope that everybody had a “good enough” Christmas too.
*All and any beer consumed outside the local shop was done so by Misiu, not by me that’s for sure.
**I would like to take the opportunity to apologize to anyone who bought a talking Barbie that happened to scare their child this Christmas. Misiu couldn’t resist recording “I’m a scary Barbie” in a monster voice on most of the talking Barbies at Smyk. Whoopsee.

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Giving thanks

The month of November for many is a time to give thanks for our blessings culminating in the thankiest day of the month, Thanksgivng. Thanksgiving in the US is followed by its dark sister, Black Friday, perhaps the greediest day of the year. What did I do, American in Poland, on Thanksgiving? Yeah, I cooked turkey and stuffing and all the fixings from scratch baby, from scratch. It was on Saturday and we still have turkey in the fridge 5 days later, but whatever.
I am thankful though. I know I like to complain a lot. It’s the Polish in me and a blog written by an eternally contented person would be pretty boring to read. No? You don’t think so? Let’s give it a go.
The sun is shining again today. I never knew that the sky could be so blue. I ate 7000 calories of chocolate again yesterday and lost 3 pounds. Isn’t that amazing? Everyday when I look in the mirror I am happier and happier with what I see. Hmm, what shall I wear today? My new book is coming out today. I should look nice for the premiere. Some people are saying it is going to be bigger than the Bible. Isn’t that hilarious? Back to the clothes - I have an amazing array of clothes to choose from as numerous world famous designers have decided that I am the new “it” girl (what are the odds at 40?) and have stocked my wardrobe with literally hundreds of designer looks for any occasion. I would ask my children to help me pick out something but my elder daughter is sitting her university exams. Yes, it is unusual for a 7-year-old to be a freshman at Harvard but she really wanted to go and they offered her a full scholarship. My younger child cannot help either as she is preparing her acceptance speech for the Nobel Prize. She’s discovered the cure for some nasty illness or something. What a precocious little thing. I’d ask my hubby to help but he is at the lottery center collecting our second win of the year. Isn’t that unusual? Gawd, we are just the luckiest and happiest family in the whole, wide world.
Ok, I stand corrected, that life would be interesting to read about.

I am thankful for all that I have achieved, big and small –ok, small and smaller. I am thankful that I could go to university and graduate on time without huge debt. I am thankful that we have a roof over our heads and are mortgage free. I am thankful for all the contacts, personal and professional, that I have made over the years. I am proud that I learned a bit of another culture and language. I am thankful and proud that I finally reached a level of maturity where I can stand up for myself. I am thankful that I decided to write to this blog and that somebody besides myself takes some enjoyment from reading it. I am thankful that I have parents who took care of me and are still together taking care of each other. I am thankful for my sister and her wicked sense of humor. I am thankful that my grandmother taught me how to cook. I am thankful that I came to Poland and met my husband. I am thankful for those two little boogers we call daughters. I am a lucky, lucky lady.

Here are some other things that I am thankful. Let’s call it November’s Top Thanks. I’ve been collecting them.

As I bent down at school to help my daughter with her new kozaki, I heard a terrible ripping sound. So I am thankful that my trousers ripped across the knee and not up the backside.

I am thankful for the Facebook defriend facility allowing friends and family I haven't seen or spoken to in 20 years to edit me from their lives.

I am thankful to be invited to the annual auction benefiting children with cancer. I am thankful that I quickly and inexpensively found something to wear to the auction and it fulfills the requirement from my husband that it not be gray (my whole wardrobe is gray). I am thankful that my children will attend the auction as guests and not as former patients.

Thankful that when I wore a dress this week, nobody asked me who died.

Thankful that I managed to buy a picture at the charity auction - it required a loud comment that I had no chance against the guy in front of me who bought about 10 pictures, but whatever. Thankful to everyone who told me what lovely children I have. Thankful to have such lovely children...that's why I chose that handsome husband, lord knows it wasn't for the money.

I am thankful that when husband and doctor were discussing whether to put child in the hospital or not, the issue of whether our insurance would cover it was not even on the table.

I am thankful for the people who come to my home, ignore the mess and even say 'it's not that bad, you can still see the floor'.

I am thankful that people have started replacing the word 'poor' with 'hipster' as in "Chris is a hipster" which sounds way better than "Chris is poor".

I am thankful that so many people don't like me that my Christmas shopping list keeps getting shorter and shorter.

Thankful for the crew who fixed our fence and reported that every woman in our village is a whore, excluding me of course.

Thankful that my group gave me props for my new hoodie. When I changed the color of my hair, nothing, but a new hoodie cannot go without comment.

Thankful for the dentist who fixed my tooth today and his understanding reaction to having a witch like me in the chair. When he said that my tooth (which was repaired there 4 months ago) would be charged, I only commented, "Maybe, but not to me."

That puts me in such a good mood, I might have to put up the Christmas tree.

What are you thankful for?