A Misiu by any other name…

…would be just as cuddly, wouldn't he? This is not going to be a post about my Misiu, but rather about the word misiu and other terms of endearment. If you are Polish, you already know that my husband’s given name can’t possibly be Misiu. If you are American, you might be surprised to find out that in Poland you cannot just name your child whatever you want. The name you choose has to be an actual name, not something you just made up, not a city, state or country, and definitely not anything embarrassing, offensive or vulgar. That’s why you’ll find 5 Agnieszka’s in one class and not any Misiu’s. Why? Because Misiu is not a name. It means teddy bear. It comes from the word bear- miś -and can also appear as misiaczek , the diminutive of miś, which means little bear.

Perhaps it is good that you cannot name your child whatever you want in Poland. This regulation means that no kids have to defend themselves from attacks of other kids about their stupid name. However, stupid is subjective and what is one person’s idea of a beautiful name can be another person’s idea of sheer stupidity. If you are Polish and your name is Esmeralda, then you know what I am talking about. (Leticia Calderon as Esmeralda, pictured below) I think giving your Polish child an English name (or foreign name) is ok but then please go all the way and spell it in English not in Polish, for example- Brajan Nowak, Majkel Kowalski. I understand that the parents have chosen that spelling in order to ensure that it will be pronounced as they want. Brajan is the Polish phonetic spelling of Brian.

I have found that many Polish people make assumptions about children with foreign names (especially foreign names spelled po polsku) and those assumptions are usually negative. That’s one reason my kids have traditional Polish names. Lizzie and Rosie are just their nicknames. We thought long and hard about naming our children. We had a short list for both boys and girls and we tested them out on my parents and on my parents-in-law. We decided to choose traditional Polish names because now we live in Poland and also because in the US it is more acceptable to have an unusual name. We threw out names such as Katarzyna-too difficult to spell in the US, Agnieszka-extremely popular in Poland, a nice name in Polish but the English equivalent Agnes isn’t as nice in our opinion, Magda is quite universal, the same spelling in both languages but the English pronunciation is not as nice as the Polish pronunciation. We also decided against the name Daria, supposing that our daughter could have the unfortunate nickname of diarrhea her whole life. Obvious choices for boys were Adam or Robert which are the same in Polish and in English. We also liked Aleksander and Maksym. We thought a son could have a nice nickname of Alex or Max. We decided that names like Zdzisław or Zbigniew were definitely out as they are practically unpronounceable for typical English-speaking people. In the end, we didn’t have to choose from the boys short list.

I remember the first day of one of my university classes. Our professor asked us to go around the room, introduce ourselves and tell something interesting about ourselves. I was 18 years old and there wasn’t anything really interesting about me at that time and I don’t remember what I said. What I do remember is that one of my classmates introduction went like this: Hi. My name is Sunshine and yes, my parents are hippies. Sunshine is a really unusual name. I’ve met a Sunny or two over the years but only one Sunshine. However unusual the name was, the girl was quite ordinary and after a week or two I totally forgot that her name was unusual and called her Sunshine without a smile on my face. I heard that in Poland there is a man named Solidariusz (a combination of the name Dariusz and the word Solidarity) in honor of the Solidarity movement. I wonder how he feels about his unusual name. I’d similarly like to ask all those Anna’s and Agnieszka’s of Poland how they feel being the next Anna or the next Agnieszka in the group.

In America, my life as a teacher was a hard one. My students had names which originated only in the minds of their parents or on the pages of hot new baby name books. There were no Mary’s, no Robert’s, no John’s only Alexia, Alicia, Alisha, Aleesha, Lexi, LaToya, LaToyer, and so on. I really am all for freedom to name your child what you want and while these names were troublesome for me the teacher, they we actually no big deal. It’s not like the family I read about who named their poor little child Adolph Hilter and caused a big stink when the local bakery would not write Happy Birthday Hitler on the kid’s birthday cake. (Yes, ‘cause we are free like that in the great US of A.) And one more thing, why do all of those F-ed up people have to come from Pennsylvania?

Do I know how to digress or what? I wanted to write about terms of endearment and I ended up on a kid named Hitler. (not any relation to a boy named Sue – that’s for the Jonny Cash fans) What are some Polish terms of endearment? My personal favorite is misiu. I find that is more often used by women for their men and also for kids. If you want to get the attention of a lot of men, I recommend saying Miiisiiuuu (meeeeshoooo) in a crowded IKEA on a Saturday afternoon. I guarantee every guy within earshot will turn their attention to you. I had a male acquaintance from New Zealand who took great offense when one of his students called him misiu. He exclaimed, “What? I’m not fat!” There is the suggestion that when using the term misiu, the recipient should be a little misiowaty, I mean kind of soft and squishy and huggable like a teddy bear. My Misiu fits the bill but I would qualify him as a pół-misiu, a half teddy. He’s not as squishy as he could be.

I also like that you can easily make the diminutive even of people’s given names. The diminutive is sometimes longer than the original but sounds sweet and little. Anna changes to Ania or Anka. Katarzyna changes to Kaśka. Zbigniew changes to Zbyszek. Marek changes to Mareczek. Hitler changes to Hitlerek which is Rosie’s current nickname. She’s a real tyrant. Lizzie’s current nickname is monsterek, our version of potworek or little monster.

Here are some more popular terms of endearment:

kochanie –love, sweetheart

żabka – froggy

słoneczko – sunshine

kotek, kicia, kiciuś – kitten

myszka – little mouse

kwiatuszek – little flower

ślicznotka – my pretty

żoneczka – wifey

mężulek – little husband, hubby - This one will also get all the guys at IKEA to give you a look. They will give a sad look at your whipped husband as well.

So I have shared with you my nickname for my husband which is misiu. Are you wondering what his nickname for me is? He can’t make up his mind but his top 3 names for me are:

mordka/mordziak - little mug, not coffee mug but mug-shot mug

gruba - fatty, which I am not

stara - the old lady, which I definitely am not

Romantic, isn’t he?

What are your favorite terms of endearment?

Maiden name or husband’s name?

Have you heard the old joke?

What is long and hard and you get it from your Polish husband on your wedding night? His surname!

Ha, ha, ha.

You cannot imagine how many times I have heard this stupid joke. I don’t even pretend to laugh anymore. My husband’s surname is not that long and not really that hard either, but I still decided to stick with my own name. Why? It is because I'm a strong, independent woman who doesn't want to be enslaved by the patriarchy of society by being forced to take my husband's name.

If you believe that then you don't really know me. I'm just simply lazy. I got married in Poland so by law I would have to take the feminine form of my husband's name and then go to court to request a name change to the masculine form. I wanted to have the masculine form that my husband has so that in our American ID's, we would have the same name. Then I would have to change all my Polish ID’s and all my American ID's. Get the picture? And did I mention that I'm lazy.

PS. Once while at the hospital after my 1st child was born, the nurses were calling for me by Mrs and my husband’s surname (because our children carry their father’s name). For a split second (ok, it was longer than that - I was kind of spacey after the birth), I looked around to check if my mother-in-law was there and wondered what they were calling her for.

Ladies, opinions???

Who? - Kto?

I have to admit that I'm not good with names. Maybe it is a family thing. I remember my Grandmother just looking at us and calling every name but the one that was actually ours. It could also have had something to do with the fact that she had 8 children and who knows how many grandchildren. My husband on the other hand seems to know all our neighbors names and which car they drive. It has happened more than once that after my husband has greeted someone in the supermarket, I have asked who it was only to find out that it is our neighbor two floors down.

I also blame my name memory lapses on the fact that I live in a foreign country (I blame a lot of my personal deficiencies on that) and those difficult foreign names just slip out of my head. Once I told a group of students that if we meet years later in the supermarket that they should remind me of their names before I panic and run. Two days later I ran into one of those students who walked up to me and said, "Hi, I am Jacek your student".

For those situations where I cannot rely on anyone to remind me I have devised my own naming system if you will which I find much more useful - as long as the named person never finds out. The first recipient of a name of my own creation was christened “fish girl”, an unfortunate name but as her father was the owner of a herring packing factory it seemed fitting. The owner of our corner shop is “Mrs. Shop lady”. Our butcher is Slawek but that is his real name and his wife is “Mrs Slawek”. There are the “pizza boys” from the pizzeria, the “dhl guy”, the “flower shop lady”, etc. In our building we have the “cat lady” and our old neighbor “Elvis” - think blond hair with big sideburns and you'll get the picture.

There are also a lot of comparisons such as 'short Ada' and 'long Ada' referring to the length of hair. There were two priests working at the public school where I worked shortly (I know, priests teach religion in public school here. It freaked me out, too). First of all, the word 'priest' is really difficult in Polish and I could not really refer to the priests as Mr. either. So I began referring to them as the “hot priest” because he was and the “other priest” well, because he wasn't. As offensive as that may sound no one ever questioned who I was talking about when I said the 'hot priest'.

Speaking of priests, in the same town one priest made a big decision to leave the priesthood, marry a parishioner and stay to raise his family in the same town. He is still active in the church but is referred to by many as 'priest' or 'father' which is not that big of a deal except that his wife is called “Mrs. Priest”' and his kids “the priest's son” and “the priest's daughter”.

I know that I'm not immune from falling victim of the name game. Once while visiting the doctor for the first time, I asked the doctor what was written on my chart. It was a series of letters which I could not string together in any language to spell an actual word, something like rpkstilwk. She informed me that it was my name. Interesting, especially since I can spell my name in Polish perfectly. Even more interesting was that the doctor's last name had a double meaning in Polish (Dr. Laska) meaning Dr. Cane and in the second meaning something like Dr. Hot Stuff.

I'm often referred to in various forms of the Polish name Krystyna or a very Polish pronunciation of my name which sounds like you've got something stuck in your throat-Hhhhhhrrrreeeees (Ch in Polish is a hard H sound). Once at a cafeteria where I had lunch once a week, the cashier couldn't change my 100 zloty bank note but she told me that I could pay the following week. I gave her my name and the next week when I wanted to pay they couldn't find my tab on the list. I took the list and found the amount next to the note “that American girl” which is way better than “that English girl”, “that foreign girl” or strangely enough once “that German girl”. For many I have joined the realm of the one-name, mega-stars such as Madonna or Doda. At my hairdresser, I am simply Chris. At my dentist too. For many clients and students there is only one Chris. My husband says thank goodness there is only one Chris. His country couldn't handle another one :)

Kto?

Muszę przyznać że nie jestem dobra jeśli chodzi o nazwiska. Może to jest rodzinny problem. Pamiętam jak moja Babcia patrzyła na nas, wołając każde inne imię oprócz naszego. Mogło tak też być z tego powodu, że miała ośmioro dzieci i kto wie ile wnuków. Mój mąż jednak pamięta nazwiska wszystkich naszych sąsiadów i ich samochody. Więcej niż raz, Misiu powitał kogoś w sklepie, a ja spytałam kto to był. Oczywiście to byli nasi sąsiedzi dwa piętro pod nami.

Tłumaczę moje zapominanie faktem, że mieszkam (dla mnie) zagranicą (tłumaczę sobie dużo moich osobistych wad tym faktem) i te trudne zagraniczne nazwiska po prostu wylatują mi z głowy. Kiedyś powiedziałam grupie studentów, że jeżeli spotkamy się w sklepie oni powinni przypomnieć mi swoje nazwisko zanim nastąpi moja panika i ucieczka. Dwa dni później spotkałam jednego z uczniów. Przyszedł od razu do mnie i powiedział, „Cześć. Jestem Jacek, Pani student.”

W sytuacjach kiedy nie mogę liczyć na czyjąś pomoc, wymyśliłam swój system nazywania który jest bardzo użyteczny tak długo jak zostaje tajemnicą przed tymi których nazywam. Pierwszym odbiorcą albo ofiarą mojego systemu była dziewczyna, która została ochrzczona imienien „fish girl”. Może to nie brzmi ciekawie ale jej ojciec był właścicielem przetwórni śledzi i pasowało mi. Właścicielka naszego sklepu na rogu jest, „Mrs. Shop Lady”. Nasz rzeźnik jest Sławek ale tak naprawdę się nazywa a jego żona to „Mrs. Sławek”, Są też „pizza boys” z pizzerii, „dhl guy”, „flower shop lady” itd. W naszym budynku mamy też „cat lady” i jeszcze Elvis – pomyśl: blond włosy i ogromne pejsy i rozumiesz o co chodzi.

Też są porównania np “short Ada” a “long Ada” tutaj chodzi o długość włosów. Było dwóch księży, którzy pracowali w szkole na wsi tam gdzie pracowałam (Wiem ksiądz prowadzi religie w szkole państwowej w Polsce. Na początku mnie to bardziej przerażało). Po pierwsze, słowo ksiądz po polsku jest strasznie trudne, ale też nie mogłam mówić Pan na księdza. Zostało tylko po angielsku określenie Priest. Jeden został „hot priest” czyli gorący (albo seksowny) ksiądz bo po prostu był gorący, a ten drugi został, no, „ten drugi” ponieważ, no, nie był zbyt gorący. Może to jest obraźliwa uwaga ale nikt nigdy nie spytał o kogo mi chodziło kiedy powiedziałam „hot priest”.

A propos księży, tam na wsi jeden ksiądz (nie ten gorący) zdecydował zrezygnować z duchowieństwa, wziąć ślub z jedną parafianką i zostać tam na wsi, żeby wychować dzieci. Dalej działa w kościele, ale dużo ludzi mówi na niego „ksiądz” albo „ojciec”. To nic wielkiego, ale jego żona jest znana jako żona księdza a jego dzieci jako syn księdza i córka księdza.

Wiem, że sama nie jestem wolna od bycia ofiarą tej zabawy w nazywanie. Kiedyś u lekarza na pierwszej wizycie, spytałam lekarkę, co było napisane na mojej karcie. Była tam seria literek, które w żadnym języku nie układała się w żadne słowa ani nazwisko. To było coś takiego jak rpkstilwk. Lekarka mnie poinformowała, że to było moje nazwisko. Ciekawe - zwłaszcza że umiem przeliterować moje nazwisko po polsku bez trudu. Bardziej ciekawe było nazwisko lekarki – Dr Laska.

Często jestem zwana Krystyną albo bardziej spolszczoną polsku wersją Chris - ch zamiast k, co brzmi jakbyś miał coś w gardle – Hhhhhhrrrreeeees. Kiedyś w barze, gdzie jadałam obiad raz w tygodniu, kasjerka nie mogła rozmienić mi sto złotych. Powiedziała, że mogę zapłacić za tydzień. Podałam jej moje nazwisko i w następnym tygodniu chciałam zapłacić, ale nie mogli znaleźć mojego długu na liście. Podniosłam tę listę i znalazłam mój dług obok uwagi „ta Amerykanka” co i tak jest dużo lepsze niż ta Angielka, ta obca, i raz - dziwnie - ta Niemka. Dla niektórych jestem członkiem tego klubu mega-gwiazd tylko z imieniem jak Madonna, albo Cher, albo Doda. U fryzjera, jestem po prostu Chris. U dentysty też. Dla wielu klientów i studentów jest tylko jedna Chris. Misiu mówi „dzięki bogu”, że jest tylko jedna Chris. Jego kraj nie dałby rady z więcej niż jedną.