Dunkin Love czyli I have a jam-filled brick in my stomach

I have eaten 6 doughnuts today. That’s my personal best, I think, in all my Fat Thursdays a.k.a Doughnut Days. Blood no longer flows in my veins. It’s pure lukier (glaze). And I know what I am about to say is blasphemy, but the best doughnuts I have had today were from Tesco. I know, it’s a terrible thing to say but they really were the best.

Tomorrow, I am eating nothing.











Original słit focia - Jacek Kurski na Majdanie

Fat Thursday’s Donut Damage

Donut Day (czyli Fat Thursday) has come and gone. I suppose I can start my diet now – or tomorrow – or better yet, Monday! But before that let’s first review the donut damage. Despite the many, many donuts placed practically right under my nose yesterday, I consumed only 4 (tylko 4, albo aż 4 depending on your perspective). They were all glazed and filled with rose jam. Scratch that, one was definitely de-glazed by Rosie before it got to my plate.

The best donut had to be the first one in the morning. It was my favorite kind – delivered to me with a cup of coffee by a pretty lady and then getting paid to eat it. Even without all the fanfare, it was still the best of the day. It was fresh, not too dark and still warm from the bakery.

The next donut was also delivered by a pretty lady (a different pretty lady) with a cup of coffee and I was paid to eat it. The whole set up was a bit too elegant for me though. It’s just a donut after all. I got my coffee and donut on the good office “guest” china. I had a choice of 3 donuts – glazed with jam, powdered sugar with jam or glazed with adwokat. These donuts were really big but not domed like the other ones. And the jam wasn’t jammy. It was like fruit filling from a can. Anyhow, I tried to eat my donut as elegantly as a donut can be eaten with minimal lip-smacking and finger-licking. Prezes ate 3 donuts and in what has now become a tradition, told the secretaries that I ate them. Truly a mature and elegant way to behave – quite befitting for a president of a large corporation. And in all this elegance, I couldn’t stop myself from laughing when Prezes took a huge bite out of his first of 3 donuts and a big dollop of rose filling plunked down onto his suit trousers. I know it is soooo mature of me, but I was stricken with a case of the giggles and couldn’t stop. Luckily for me, Prezes has a good sense of humor and he got a good laugh out of it himself.

After that I refused the next few donuts offered me and waited to eat the donuts Misiu had bought. Unfortunately, they were the type I don’t really like (glaze overload and dark) so I had to eat 2 of them ;) And just as I was turning to tell Misiu about how Prezes ruined his trousers….you guessed it, Misiu dropped a dollop of jam from his damn communist bastard donut.

Til next year…

previous Fat Thursday posts can be found here and here.

Women’s Day – Dzień Kobiet

So, I received my obligatory Women’s Day carnation from one of my student’s, the President of one of the companies where I teach.

He decided to drop it “old school” and with a large group of gentlemen traveled around the company delivering carnations, good wishes and the triple Polish cheek kiss to all ladies of the company. I wasn’t complaining.

This is the same man who last week on Fat Thursday ate 3 doughnuts during the lesson and told the secretaries that I had eaten them. He’s a charmer :)

Here are some old thoughts on Women’s Day and Fat Thursday.

Dzień Kobiet

No więc otrzymałam obowiązkowe goździki na Dzień Kobiet od jednego z moich uczniów, prezesa jednej z firm, gdzie uczę.

Postanowił zrobić to OLD-SCHOOLOWO i wraz z wielką grupą dżentelmenów krążył po firmie wręczając goździki, życzenia wszystkiego najlepszego i potrójny polski pocałunek w policzki wszystkich pań w firmie. Ja nie narzekałam.

To ten sam facet, który w zeszłym tygodniu w Tłusty Czwartek zjadł 3 pączki podczas lekcji i powiedział sekretarce, że ja je zjadłam. On jest czarujący :)

Oto kilka starych myśli na Dzień Kobiet i Tłusty Czwartek.

Doughnut po polsku

Poradnik: How to eat a Polish doughnut

A Polish doughnut called pączek is what we would call in America a filled doughnut. It should be large and round, about the the size of your fist with a kind of domed top. The traditional filling should be rose jam, although you can get it with pudding, cream or adwokat. The doughnut should be glazed (glaze: lukier, glazed: lukrowane, z lukrem) and sometimes is drizzled with chocolate (z polewą) or dusted with powdered sugar. I don’t really like glazed doughnuts or rose jam for that matter, but I make an exception every year on FAT THURSDAY (Tłusty Czwartek). Fat Thursday is the last day to stuff yourself before the start of Lent and what better way to do it than with doughnuts.

My mother-in-law makes very good doughnuts without any glaze or sugar on top – just the way that we like them. When I say we, I mean my m-i-l and I. The kids love the glaze and if you leave your doughnut unattended, you will soon find that it has been de-glazed (odlukrowane) for you by some very precise little tongues. The same little glaze-covered faces will innocently declare, “to nie ja” when asked what happened to your doughnut. (it wasn’t me)

I have never dared to make doughnuts at home. Doughnuts are deep fried, and I don’t really know how to do it. The key is to cook them at the right temperature for the right length of time so that they are brown on the outside and cooked on the inside. Babcia Ewa used to make doughnuts for the church, and bless her heart, they were almost black on the outside and raw on the inside.

When you bite into a Polish pączek it should conform to your bite but then spring back to its original size and shape, sans your bite of course. Glaze will stick to your fingers and quite possibly your lips and chin. Some rose jam, best when not too sweet, may also drip out. On Fat Thursday, you have special dispensation to lick the glaze and jam off your fingers and smack your lips. You also have dispensation to eat like a glutton even boasting how many doughnuts you have consumed like a college boy bragging about how many chicks (laski) he has scored. TV reporters will do segments on the news about doughnuts and how many calories they have, but nobody really cares because they are so good and it’s only once a year.

Today at my first lesson, the secretary asked me, “Do you count calories?” I asked her if I looked like someone who counts calories which is in fact a trick question because however you answer, it can be construed as an insult. “Well,” she continued, “I don’t want to make a faux pas, but I’d like to bring you a doughnut.” I agreed with a big “thank you” and now I’d like to tell you the absolute best way to eat a doughnut. The absolute best way to eat a doughnut is on a plate with a cup of coffee delivered to you by a pretty lady while you are getting paid to eat it. Smacznego!

The inspiration for today’s post is this drawing by Andrzej Mleczko. I bought a copy of it and intend to hang it in the kitchen of my house. http://mleczko.interia.pl/

Translation:

Polish Cuisine

Polish Roll (Recipe)

1. We buy a big roll.

2. We inhale it as fucking fast as we can so nobody can take it from us.

PS I wanted to translate “adwokat”, but I couldn’t find the proper translation. It is a kind of egg cream alcohol and in doughnuts it is a pudding with that flavor. I thought that maybe I’d have better luck with “pączek z adwokatem” but instead Google translator gave me “bud with an attorney”. (pączek is also bud like flower bud and adwokat is also lawyer) Hee, hee.