The Aqua Park: the place where I go to cure all my complexes

Over the long May weekend (May 1st is Labor Day and May 3rd is Constitution Day), we decided to pack up the kids and take them to the Aqua Park. Unfortunately, half of the City had the same idea.

The park opened at 9 a.m. and we arrived about 10 minutes before and waited in a short line. A few minutes after 9 we were at the cashier and 93 zloty later we were in the changing room with a family pass for the whole day.

Our girls wanted to hit the kiddy pool first which is a nice, shallow pool with a slide for the younger kids. It is also hot, something like bathwater, but it is a good place to start the morning because after an hour or two it is always packed with new moms and dads and their little babies.

After a bit, the kids got braver and braver and with Mommy and Daddy and their favorite Ciocia* explored the wave pool, the salt water pool outside, the Lazy River (which also travels outside), the big slide and the indoor playground. I personally spent at least 2 hours in the Lazy River with Lizzie and let me tell you, it is not that lazy. To keep yourself and your child afloat without crashing into other swimmers is pretty difficult. Misiu even came away from the Lazy River with a cut on his hand to which the swimming pool medic slapped on a non-waterproof band-aid. Witaj w Polsce!

After 5 hours, the kids absolutely did not want to go home. And they didn’t really have to. The Aqua Park has a restaurant and a place to rest. I even saw some of the little kids having a nap in the playpens provided by the park.

The best part for me besides having fun with the kids is checking out the other swimmers. That’s how I cure my complexes and boost my self-esteem.

There were the people who wanted to keep covered up at all costs. I understand those folks a bit because I don’t like to hang out everywhere either and I definitely don’t want to see what someone else has hanging out. That’s why I chose a swimming suit which, umm, well, keeps everything contained.

In the baby pool, you can really feel good about yourself in comparison because let’s face it, new moms are usually packing a few extra pounds. I remember that was me with 6-month-old Rosie (and an extra 10 pounds) on my hip a few years ago.

I don’t even check out the dads. It’s just an array of flat stomachs, fat stomachs, back hair (better to ignore) and speedo style swimming trunks (eeewww). The new dads have usually got a video camera in hand.

There were a lot of figure flaws on display, but also a lot of physically fit folks - our favorite Ciocia included. I also noticed that tattoos are becoming more and more popular but it seems that experienced tattoo artists must be in short supply judging from some of the amateurish creations I saw. That also brings me to a point of unscientific research I have been working on – Can one, in polite society, openly stare at a stranger’s tattoo? I would venture a guess as to “yes”. I mean, why else would you get a 15 centimeter tattoo on your back and then take your shirt off? Surely, you want this masterpiece to be appreciated by others. My in-field research has shown that 15 seconds is the border between appreciative admiring and shameless gapienie.

I admit to some shameless gapienie. I couldn’t help myself. I had to check how long before the very attractive young women (in permanent make-up) realized that her white swimming suit was completely transparent when wet. It took her quite a while actually. She spent the rest of her visit either under water or covered in a towel and t-shirt.

I also kept another lady in my radar. She was probably my age or less with a beautiful figure, lovely swimming suit, impossible orange tan, perfect hair (also orange), full make-up and a permanently pissed-off look on her face. She came to the pool with her husband and son and somehow expected not to get wet. Every splash of water in her direction (in the wave pool!) was met with an even more pissed off look (if possible) and an angry reprimand of her husband who apparently is to blame for all the world’s wrongdoings. We got wet from head to toe, ran into a friend with his son, spent a wonderful time and somehow did not fall asleep in the car on the way home. It was a good day.

*Our favorite Ciocia is every kids dream. She loves to sing and dance, play games, go to the playground and go to the pool. I think she also loves Lizzie and Rosie. A few weeks ago, Lizzie asked me if I know why Ciocia is so great. I had a few suggestions such as Ciocia likes to read stories or sing songs. Lizzie agreed but those were not the best thing about Ciocia. The best thing about Ciocia according to Lizzie is that you can sit on her. Yes, you can sit her. Poor Ciocia.

PS What a fantastic May weekend. It has started to SNOW! Do you think it is a bad idea to learn how to ride a bike without training wheels inside our apartment?