Two birds

So the Chuck Norris jokes have finally hit the 2nd grade...in Poland. My 7-year-old just told me these jokes: Mommy, how many pompki (push-ups) did Chuch Norris do? All of them!!!!! Haaa, haaaaa. Mommy, did you know that Chuck Norris is so good he killed 2 stones with one bird. She laughed for 2 minutes, and then she said , "I don't get it."

One small problem

This is our “new” intercom for our apartment building in the city. Intercom in Polish is called domofon. The maintenance man didn’t really do much to it – just a bit of re-wiring and such, but there is one small problem. We live in #15. We have been Bareja-ed.

Actually, we have not been Bareja-ed because if you press the button after #14, the intercom does ring. Barejowanie would be if you had to press #1 and #5 to reach us or even better #3 as the order is reversed here.

Bareja is the film director of numerous comedies picturing some of the absurdities of PRL times. One of my favorites is the one in which the guy buys an apartment and the taps are not connected to water. I always check the taps now after watching that movie, and I was less surprised when I discovered that our workers had hooked up the toilet to the hot water supply. Steamy!

Ellen’s Oscar Samojebka

There are a few things I like about not living in the US. I do not have to listen to country music which I really do not like. I come from a rural area where every radio station is country and practically every bar and restaurant  has their music set to default country. What a relief. OK, I have to listen to Stachursky more than I’d like, but that is a price I am willing to pay. To ja - typ niepokorny, Nikt nie wie, co we mnie tkwi, Ten sam, choć niepodobny, Kochanie, proszę, wybacz mi.
Another wonderful thing about not living in the US is that I don’t have to know what’s going on in the US. Watched the latest episode of House of Cards? Nope. I’ve never even seen it. I did recently check out HBO’s Girls as someone I know told me that I reminded him of a character on Girls. They are all 20-something New Yorkers, so I highly doubted that and asked which one. He said, “the fat, annoying one.” It’s just like a big hug. I do know important stuff like who the president is and where we may or may not start bombing, but other than that I am out on the US current events. By the way, if Russia and Germany go to war over Ukraine/Crimea, look out. Historically we know where they like to shoot it up. I’m outta here.
It is a wonderful feeling to not have to know anything about any kind of sporting event taking place in America. The Super Bowl? I know that there was one but I have no idea who won. Hell, I don’t even know who played. Go Pirates! Go Eagles! Go Knicks! I don’t even know which sport I am talking about it. It’s an awesome feeling.
The Oscars - I haven’t seen a single Oscar-nominated film this year. Oh, I take that back. I have seen a pirated Gravity leaked by one of the Academy Awards voters. And you know what? I knew what was going to happen. SPOILER ALERT I knew who was not going to make it. I knew that she was dreaming that one part. I knew she was connected to Earth and not the Chinese space station. I knew that she was not going to drown after crashing into the water. I just knew it. However, if Gravity had been a Polish film, Sandra Bullock would have fought off death several times in her fight to get back to the planet Earth only to drown in her own pod. The last scene in the Polish Gravity would be her dead eyes gazing at the unattainable sky above her while her lifeless body sloshed around inside the pod – a poignant but not happy ending.

So all I know about the Oscars is what I see here in this now famous Oscar selfie (with one small addition). I cannot even name all the faces (with one small exception), let alone what film they were in. Maybe ignorance is bliss. Anyhow on the bright side, the next time I fly long-haul, all the movies will be new to me.

Shake what your momma gave ya!

The original:

 

 The parody:



 The English version:

 


This song, "My Słowianie" by Donatan featuring Cleo has been out for awhile now. It's back in the media as it is being considered for the Eurovision 2014 song competition. Personally, I like the song and the video. I prefer the Polish version though. Despite the "shake what your momma gave ya", the English version has lost the irony of the original. Rosie loves the colors and the clothes. Lizzie is more interested in Donatan's sweatpants -she's our little dresiarka. And Misiu, well, he likes the całokształt ;)

We cannot deny that they video is sexy and some have even called it vulgar. Lizzie commented, "It's a nice video, but why all the boobies?" No własnie, dlaczego? Judging from the other music videos, I'd have to say that boobies jest podstawa. I think I know who Misiu and I are going to be for Halloween next year.

So, have a nice day and don't forget to shake what your momma gave ya.

You can’t have it both ways

Recently I had a discussion about the systems of education in Poland and in the USA, and I have to say Polish people, you can’t have it both ways. Your schools cannot at the same time be the best and the worst in the world. Here are just some of the opinions raised during the discussion:
The Polish school system teaches kids more than in the States.
But it doesn’t teach them how to solve problems.
It’s good that you sent your kids to a Polish school. They will have better math skills than in the US and learn foreign languages.
Let’s face it, Americans aren’t very clever (pointing out the fact that I thought Copernicus was Italian).
But you have to send your kids abroad for high school and/or university. You can’t get a good education in Poland.
Yes, they have to go to school in the US if they want to succeed in life.
American schools focus too much on sports and popularity.
My friend went to the US for a year as an exchange student and she was 3 years ahead of the other students. They made her repeat a year in Poland when she got back.
You can’t be sure about the teachers in Poland.
American students would never graduate from high school if they had to take an exam like Matura.

All above statements (agreeing and conflicting) were made by just two people. It appears that I am damned if I do and damned if I don’t. That’s too much stress for Mommy.
Time to drink more coffee.